I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I need moral support for this bender
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
