What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
