i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
