my soul wont recognize me after tonight
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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