Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
