And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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