When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
