he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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