Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
