she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
