i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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