I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize