This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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