John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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