Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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