Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
