saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
