I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
