apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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