while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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