my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize