So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
