Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
