Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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