My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he shaved USA in his pubs
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
