upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
