"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
