he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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