Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
