he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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