Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
