i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
