k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
