Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
