I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
