i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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