We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize