separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
