i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
