Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize