Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
