right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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