Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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