Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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