I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
