well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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