Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize