i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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