if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
