Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I touched a dick in church today
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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