So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Girls should come with a carfax report
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
