And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
