just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
