I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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