my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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