I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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