your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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