Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
