I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
