Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize