He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
