im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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