I accidentally had phone sex last night
her vagine was all disorganized.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think my vagina is haunted
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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