My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize