Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
