before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
