32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
