God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
