So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
