I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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