I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
