hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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