the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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