I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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