Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
