PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
