Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
