This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
