She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
