I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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