so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
