he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
