How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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