I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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