I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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