i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This is the high leading the old right now
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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