I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
