He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize