I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Someone shattered a urinal.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
