I'm gonna have a badass scar
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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