Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
