I think I can smell my own vagina right now
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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