finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
