Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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