fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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