Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
