4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
