Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
