What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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