"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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