Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
